Trains and other things.

Yesterday Chris wrote about trains and public transport, and trains and dreams. And those no longer with us but whom we will never forget. I must say our trains are not as the light rail Chris shows on her post. Ours are much more mundane, even if they had been decorated for Christmas.

I wrote about trains on several occasions on my other blog – see here; and here; and yes, here. So it is fair to say I like trains. Our local trains moving us from the city to the suburbs and further afield, are pretty basic. Fast, clean, well maintained, and (mostly) reliable. They are built for a purpose and serve that purpose well. But I think that Chris’s light rail trains would be better.

The last two posts I have written have been on the serious side and I looked for some humour to add. Looking back to 2014, can it really be eight years, I came across this post and I reprint it here for your edification and laughter –

I was told –

A friend went to Beijing recently and was given this brochure by the hotel. It is precious.
She is keeping it and reading it whenever she feels depressed.
Obviously, it has been translated directly, word for word from Mandarin to English.

Getting There: Our representative will make you wait at the airport. The bus to the hotel runs along the lake shore. Soon you will feel pleasure in passing water. You will know that you are getting near the hotel because you will go round the bend. The manager will await you in the entrance hall. He always tries to have intercourse with all new guests.
The Hotel: This is a family hotel, so children are very welcome. We of course are always pleased to accept adultery. Highly skilled nurses are available in the evenings to put down your children. Guests are invited to conjugate in the bar and expose themselves to others. But please note that ladies are not allowed to have babies in the bar. We organize social games, so no guest is ever left alone to play with them self.
The Restaurant: Our menus have been carefully chosen to be ordinary and unexciting. At dinner, our quartet will circulate from table to table, and fiddle with you.
Your Room: Every room has excellent facilities for your private parts. In winter, every room is on heat. Each room has a balcony offering views of outstanding obscenity! .. You will not be disturbed by traffic noise, since the road between the hotel and the lake is used only by pederasts.
Bed: Your bed has been made in accordance with local tradition. If you have any other ideas please ring for the chambermaid. Please take advantage of her. She will be very pleased to squash your shirts, blouses and underwear. If asked, she will also squeeze your trousers.
Above All: When you leave us at the end of your holiday, you will have no hope. You will struggle to forget it.

Whether true or not, I love it and am suspending belief in light of the fun I am having sharing it.

“It sounds plausible enough tonight, but wait until tomorrow.
Wait for the common sense of the morning.”
H.G. Wells, The Time Machine 

JB January 28, 2022


7 thoughts on “Trains and other things.”

  1. JB this is perfect – as I mentioned to you last night I seemed to be suddenly overcome with a feeling of ennui, but this wraps me in a blanket of laughter and warmth. So perfectly timed. Thank you!!

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I can see it happen. I mean, press can mean squash. We see it here in Spain all the time when things are translated verbatim or with Google translate. Menus are funny, instead of meatballs one menu had it as pigs balls. Yuk!

        Liked by 1 person

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